Prayer Request

My heart is for hurting and broken hearted people. To be more specific, hurting and broken hearted children. I work as a social worker and life coach. My caseload is all children, mostly children involved with DCS.

Most days I love my job. Most days I go home encouraged and uplifted by the smiles I get to see on these children’s faces throughout the day. Most dayS I’m rewarded by the work I do. Most days I’m encouraged by giving God’s children love, support, and encouragement. Most days.

Today was not one of these days. I had a teenager who was talking about suicide. I’m sitting on my couch sick to my stomach. My heart is broken. I can only imagine how broken hearted and sick he is feeling.

There is not much that can break my heart quicker than a child who doesn’t want to be alive.

I want to ask anyone reading this tonight to lift this boy up in your prayers, we can call him C. ❤️🙏🏻 Please pray for me as well as I continue to work with this child. I need God’s guidance and peace through this.

Warrior, Courageous, & A Fighter

God deals with us all, and God deals with us all in different ways. He is constantly molding, shaping, and chipping away… if we let him.

When I recognize that God is working in a certain area, I try to be quick to give it over to him. I’ve come to understand that when he is working in a certain area it is best to just hand it over. I hand it over to him to do what he wants with it. My life is devoted to following God, so why would I ever intentionally hold any part of myself back from him.

Notice I used the word intentionally. Even with the best of intentions I AM NOT PERFECT. I do hold places back. I do resist the changes sometimes. I shake off the new shape he’s giving me. I glue the chipped pieces back on. The craziest thing of all.. sometimes I do it without noticing.

I am a stubborn person. I have been for as long as I can remember. It’s not something I’m proud of but I don’t dislike it either. I’m strong willed and determined and I am passionate about the things I love. I’ve never given up on anything and I don’t back down without a fight. God made me this way. I am his daughter and in his eyes I am perfect.

So why do I feel guilty when I realize God has been working in the area of peace in my life for almost a year now. I’ve resisted, I’ve ran, I’ve hid, I’ve made excuses, and I realize all of this. I’m not doing it intentionally but I am failing to let God mold me into the peaceful human being that he wants me to be. I feel guilty because I feel like I’m failing God and I’m failing myself by not letting God do his work.

What’s wrong with me? Why not just hand it over and be done with it? Why not just conform and be peaceful. Why am I being stubborn? Why am I letting myself fail God? Why has this been a never ending battle for the past year in my life? Because I’m an imperfect human, that’s why.

I believe when God started working peace in my life, he knew there would be roots that would take a while to dig up. He knew he would have to plant a baby seed and water it and watch it grow into something beautiful. He knew that I knew nothing about peace when he started growing this fruit. He knew that I would not water that poor little seed, more than once, and it would have to be replanted.

One amazing thing about my Heavenly Father, he never gives up on me. He encourages me in beautiful little ways in my imperfect life. He whispers sweet nothings into my ear about how he knew this wouldn’t be easy but it would be worth it. When I beat myself up he wraps me in his love and protects me from myself.

For me, peace is a hard seed to grow. Maybe for you it’s a different fruit that seems impossible to grow in your life. God will never give up; we can’t either.

You are a warrior. You are courageous. You are a fighter. God doesn’t care about how many days, weeks, months, or years it took us to get there. He already knows how long it will take before he even starts. What God cares about is the fact that we get there. Let me encourage you to never give up, no matter how long it takes. Keep fighting. Be strong and courageous. Staying devoted to God’s calling in our life is the only thing that matters to him.

Vision

Today I started creating a vision board. My vision board has pictures, words, and quotes about things that I want to see myself doing in the future. It’s a collage of the dreams I’m not willing to give up on. It’s a visual reminder of why I’m working so hard and where it’s going to take me.

I see myself remembering that God lights up my darkness. I see myself completing my Bachelors degree and going back for my masters. I see myself becoming a licensed mental health counselor. I see myself watching Joyce Meyers and Dr. Phil in person someday. I see myself having a family that includes children both furry and not so furry 😆😆 I see my self adopting a child… or four. I see myself making my friendships even stronger as the years pass us by. I see myself venturing to the west side of America someday.

God puts visions in our hearts. God equips us to reach our full potential and helps us to be exactly who he created us to be. He already has it all planned out but its our job to follow him if we ever want to see these visions happen in person.

My vision board will be a constant reminder of who put these things on my heart, who equips me to reach my full potential, and why I’ve chosen that giving up is NOT an option.

Warrior mind, Weary Soul

God has always given me the word warrior. The word warrior is defined as “a brave or experienced solider or fighter”.

I have a warrior mindset. I made up my mind a long time ago that I would never stop fighting. That I would be a soldier in God’s army and follow him wherever he leads me.

I’ve overcome so much. I battled so much. I’ve fought and won with God’s grace and his help.

Why then, if I have such a warrior mind, do I have a weary soul?

I’ve given my mind over to God. I’ve fought the battles in my head and won, but today I’ve decided to give over my soul. I don’t want only a warrior mind. I want a warrior soul also.

Today I will begin to fight the battles in my soul. I will choose to listen with my entire being, and follow with my entire being.

I choose to be a warrior. With a brave and experienced mind. As well as a brave and experienced soul. I am a soldier and a fighter, every single part of me. ❤️💪🏻❤️

What You Focus on, You Get More Of 💁🏻‍♀️

I work with children. Like a lot of children. One very important thing I learned about children pretty early on is “what you focus on you get more of.”

If you focus on the negative behaviors you start seeing more and more negative behaviors. If you focus (praise) the positive behaviors you start seeing more and more positive behaviors.

Today I was feeling overwhelmed. Feeling tired. Feeling worn. Feeling exhausted. Feeling very negative. All my thoughts were negative. My behaviors were becoming negative. Everything around me was becoming negative.

I’ve followed this rule with the children I work with for years.

That’s when it hit me… what I focus on I get more of. This rule doesn’t only apply to the children in my life, that I get the opportunity to help. It applies to all areas of my life.

Today, tomorrow, this week, next month, the rest of this year, and into next year I am going to TRY to remember this.

I may be overwhelmed, but I have a God who has went before, will stand beside me, and will even carry me through.

Broken can be Beautiful

Nostalgia, and God’s Love All in One

There isn’t many times throughout the year that I feel nostalgic. But this week in my hometown is one of the few. It’s fair week.

My husband and I ran to the fair to get donuts (our fair is famous for our donuts). We waited in line for about a half hour. As we sat there I was watching all the people as they passed by.

The sun was just about to set which painted a beautiful orange, pink, and blue midwestern backdrop against all the colorful flashing lights.

As I’m watching all the teenagers passing by going every direction, yelling across the crowd and waving to their friends while laughing without a single care in the world, I felt nostalgic. I use to live for this day.

As a high schooler I lived on my own. Right down the road from where the fair takes place. I walked there everyday and stayed until there was no one left to hang out with. I felt happy running around the fair feeling free for the moment.

For a minute I sat there in that donut line longing to feel free like that again. Wishing my greatest care in the world was walking around that courthouse square hanging out with my friends while laughing, skipping, and being silly.

Then God reminded me of how empty I was at that point in my life. So empty that I had to walk around a courthouse countless times, making small talk with people, one week out of the year just to be happy. He also reminded me of how truly free I am today. Free from my bondage. Free from my pain. Free from my loneliness. Free from the suffering and the ache deep in my soul that I could never seem to get rid of.

Today I’m truly happy. Life may not be carefree but it wasn’t designed to be either.

My responsibilities give me purpose. My struggles give me strength. My family gives me love. Donuts with my husband give me joy.

And above all, God gives me peace.

I find my peace in the comfort of my God instead of empty conversations and worthless wondering.

Life is so precious and beautiful, even in the small mundane moments, standing in line, waiting for donuts.

God’s grace is so precious in every moment. Every simple reminder of how far I’ve come makes me that much more thankful for where I am.

As I walked away from the donut stand I caught myself wondering how much further he would bring me in my next 15-20 years.

What kind of things would I be thinking while standing in that donut line 15, 20, 30 years from now?

God has filled me up. God has set me free. God has restored my soul. God has brought me here. And God has given me peace. God is so good.

Change is inevitable, and inevitably sucks.

My family has been going through a lot of changes for the past couple months. It’s feeling like one thing after another. They are good changes and are good for us, so why is it so hard?

Change brings me fear. Change brings me uncertainty. Change brings me uncomfortable situations. Change brings me stormy waters.

Sometimes I feel my emotions taking over.

Through this, when my emotions are overtaking me, Jesus brings me peace with small reminders.

Reminders that he is in control, so why would I fear. Reminders that through that uncertainty, he remains certain. Reminders that in uncomfortable situations he went before me and he is there with me. Reminders that he walks on waters, stormy or not.

When I feel my emotions trying to overtake me today, I will remind them of who my God is. I will give him control and trust that what he is doing is for my good ❤️🙌🏻

Helped People, Help People.

You know that saying “Hurt people, hurt people”? It’s true. It’s completely 100% true. I’ve been that person, hurting people because I was hurting. Hurt people don’t even realize they are hurting people. Maybe it’s the only way they have ever really been treated. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism. Maybe they are just mad, like really really mad, at the entire world. I’ve decided that saying goes both ways, hurt people may hurt people, but I believe helped people, also help people. I AM this person. As a child I felt so alone, like I had no one. But that wasn’t true. I didn’t have parents, but I did have a lot of people who encouraged me, believed in me, and watched over me. The older I got the more I realized how many people I have had in my life who have helped me. If it wasn’t for those people I would not be the person I am today. That is why I’ve made it my personal mission to help others. Especially people who feel like they have no one. Sometimes all it takes is a few kind words and a hug to change a life. Or at least change the way they feel about life. Be a light, there is enough darkness out here. What can you do to lend a hand or uplift a soul tomorrow?