God deals with us all, and God deals with us all in different ways. He is constantly molding, shaping, and chipping away… if we let him.
When I recognize that God is working in a certain area, I try to be quick to give it over to him. I’ve come to understand that when he is working in a certain area it is best to just hand it over. I hand it over to him to do what he wants with it. My life is devoted to following God, so why would I ever intentionally hold any part of myself back from him.
Notice I used the word intentionally. Even with the best of intentions I AM NOT PERFECT. I do hold places back. I do resist the changes sometimes. I shake off the new shape he’s giving me. I glue the chipped pieces back on. The craziest thing of all.. sometimes I do it without noticing.
I am a stubborn person. I have been for as long as I can remember. It’s not something I’m proud of but I don’t dislike it either. I’m strong willed and determined and I am passionate about the things I love. I’ve never given up on anything and I don’t back down without a fight. God made me this way. I am his daughter and in his eyes I am perfect.
So why do I feel guilty when I realize God has been working in the area of peace in my life for almost a year now. I’ve resisted, I’ve ran, I’ve hid, I’ve made excuses, and I realize all of this. I’m not doing it intentionally but I am failing to let God mold me into the peaceful human being that he wants me to be. I feel guilty because I feel like I’m failing God and I’m failing myself by not letting God do his work.
What’s wrong with me? Why not just hand it over and be done with it? Why not just conform and be peaceful. Why am I being stubborn? Why am I letting myself fail God? Why has this been a never ending battle for the past year in my life? Because I’m an imperfect human, that’s why.
I believe when God started working peace in my life, he knew there would be roots that would take a while to dig up. He knew he would have to plant a baby seed and water it and watch it grow into something beautiful. He knew that I knew nothing about peace when he started growing this fruit. He knew that I would not water that poor little seed, more than once, and it would have to be replanted.
One amazing thing about my Heavenly Father, he never gives up on me. He encourages me in beautiful little ways in my imperfect life. He whispers sweet nothings into my ear about how he knew this wouldn’t be easy but it would be worth it. When I beat myself up he wraps me in his love and protects me from myself.
For me, peace is a hard seed to grow. Maybe for you it’s a different fruit that seems impossible to grow in your life. God will never give up; we can’t either.
You are a warrior. You are courageous. You are a fighter. God doesn’t care about how many days, weeks, months, or years it took us to get there. He already knows how long it will take before he even starts. What God cares about is the fact that we get there. Let me encourage you to never give up, no matter how long it takes. Keep fighting. Be strong and courageous. Staying devoted to God’s calling in our life is the only thing that matters to him.
Broken, Brave, & Beautiful 